Fiddle's Faddle With Monsters!
by Zeldakid555
Summary: Mostly humor, but also adventure. Banjo's grandson, Fiddle must save the Dingos! Will he suceed? Only Bill Clinton knows the answer! Please R&R!
1. Default Chapter

Fiddle's Faddle with Monsters: Part 1 By: Zeldakid555

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters and certainly not Bill Clinton (thanks goodness!)

Narrator: It was a beautiful day in Spiral Mountain. Banjo got up, arched his back, and felt excruciating pain. He looked over at where his buddy Kazooie lay, croaking in pain.

Kazooie: Banjo, bring me my pills please! (cough, cough) My feathers hurt this morning.

Banjo: Hang on there buddy, heh heh.

Narrator: It was a special day, 50 years ago, Banjo had defeated the witch for the second time.

Banjo: Whoowe, let's get funky. (turns on record player, Elvis begins to wail)

Kazooie: Banjo, bring me my pills and my porridge! You know I can't get out of bed.

Narrator: 50 veeeeeeeeeery long years.

Banjo: (Brings Kazooie a glass of water, then has to make 9 trips to bring all the bottles over to Kazooie's bed, hears a knock on door)

Kazooie: Open the door, you furry lump! In my day, blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Banjo: We were young at the same time Kazooie. (Moves toward door, begins to open)

Kazooie: Were we now, no we weren't you little ol' whippersnapper, in my day blah blah blah.

Mumbo: (Enters house with a walker) Gr-greetings Bear and Bird.

Kazooie: Speak up sonny, in my day.....

Narrator: Yes, time had taken it's toll on our heroes.

Mumbo: (Crashes to the floor asleep)

Banjo: (Attempts to close door, Mumbo is blocking it, shrugs and tries to turn around, but collapses in pain)

Narrator: Although no one could answer it, and the door was open, the mailman still knocks.

Kazooie: What's that, you call that knocking, look here sonny, in my day......

Mailman: Err....... I have a telegram for Banjo, Kazooie, or Mumbo.

Narrator: Kazooie continued to blah, Banjo was in too much pain to do anything, and Mumbo was dreaming of his golden days....

Bottles: (Walks up leaning on cane) Hello there Postman!

Mailman: Umm... telegram?

Bottles: What's that? (Doesn't realize his hearing aid is off)

Banjo: (Raises himself up) I-I-I-I'll take it there sonny.

Mailman: Don't call me sonny!

Banjo: (Takes telegram) Whatever you say sonny, heh heh.

Kazooie: I'll call you sonny if I want, in my day......

Bottles: What are you saying!

Banjo: Bottles, turn your hearing aid on.

Bottles: Eh?

Narrator: Can we get on with the story?

Banjo: Sure.

Kazooie: I guess, but in my day.....

Mumbo: (wakes up) Ok.

Bottles: Eh?

Mailman: (defensively) It wasn't my fault.

Narrator: Just read the telegram Banjo.

Banjo: (reads) Oh, it seems the Dingos need saving.

Narrator: Everyone attempted to jump for joy, and ends up writhing in pain, except for Bottles who says "Eh?".

Banjo: I guess I'll just call for my grandson Fiddle.

Fiddle: Hello everyone!

Kazooie: Hello? Hello? In my day....

Bottles: (leaves, convinced that noone will talk to him)

Banjo: Fiddle, go save the Dingos, that's a good lad.

Fiddle: err......................

Kazooie: Do what Banjo tells you, in my day.......

Banjo: Look Fiddle, you're 9 now, and you haven't saved the world once!

Mailman: This is a crazy house! (Runs very quickly, letters pouring out of his bag)

Mumbo: Hmmph, Bear and Bird no need for me, here Fiddle, I'll grant you some basic moves.

Fiddle: (Now knows: Roar, Bite, Long Jump, Swimming (Above Water), and Climb.)

Narrator: Aliens suddenly land, and steal the record of Elvis.

Zeldakid555: Now who's straying from the story, huh? You're fired, Bill Clinton will take over for you.

Bill Clinton: At this point, Mumbo leaves, Kazooie loses her voice (although she continues to silently move her mouth), and Banjo develops a severe pain in the neck.

Fiddle: Um... goodbye everyone.

Kazooie: (attempts to launch into a tirade of noise)

Fiddle: (Runs away very quickly)

Bill Clinton: Tune in next time for more of "Fiddle's Faddle with Monsters"!!!   
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Fiddle's Continued Faddle with Monsters

Fiddle's Faddle with Monsters: Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own this junk, ok!

Bill Clinton: No Monica, the Lady is away, you can come... (sees everyone staring at him, ushers Lewinsky out.) Umm..... now back to our adventure.

Banjo: (has managed to get up, stares at Fiddle's retreating back) Maybe I should follow for a ways....

Kazooie: Follow, why in my day.......

Banjo: Hush up, heh heh. (Gets into electric wheelchair, follows Fiddle)

Fiddle: (Reaches his house, begins to pack into his hobo stick) Let's see, I should bring: A 96-pack of Snoke, a container of Ric-Racs, a wheel of sleeze, a ranket.

Zeldakid555: Bill, get that bear-to-human translator working correctly.

Bill: Sure thing.

Fiddle: Umm... I don't like this, how come Banjo doesn't do this.... (stares out window)

Banjo: (rams his wheelchair into a wall, begins to moan)

Fiddle: Guess I have no choice. (heads on his way)

Bill: Fiddle journeyed for about 3 minutes before taking a break.... Suddenly a gust of wind blew him to his first destination.

Fiddle: Strange, that gust of wind had a cloud that looked suspiciously like Bill Clinton...

Dingawnnywanny: Err... I'm your partner, the last free Dingo. This is my associate: Pippo.

Fiddle: I'll call you Ding, Pippo is an interesting name.

Ding: Jinjo's aren't too bright, he chose it as his Dingo name. Err...... it means Donkey Dung.

Pippo: Jinjo?

Fiddle: Um.........

Bill: Move on with the adventure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ding: Right, Pippo will fly, you may ride on my back, I've heard you aren't the fastest traveler.

Bill: Meanwhile.....

Kazooie: What do you mean my lottery ticket didn't win you jerk, look sonny in my day......

Banjo: The guy who hosts the drawing isn't responsible...

Kazooie: Hmmph.... my pills please. C'mon, move it Flabby.

Bill: After that small side-story...

Pippo: My armpit does not be being smelling like a flower.

Fiddle: (looks disturbed) Are we there yet?

Ding: Oh fine, we'll warp there.

Pippo: We be being there.

Bill: They surveyed the situation, the dinosaurs had destroyed the Dingo village fairly thoroughly.

Ding: I just barely managed to escape, Pippo tried to land on one of the dinos....

Pippo: He be looking foxy.

Fiddle: (eyebrows blast off of his head, never to be seen again)

Ding: Well....... shall we follow that set of footprints.

Fiddle: Ummmm........ I'm guess so.

Bill: So, they set off, knowing that they needed to rescue 10 dingos from each dino.

Pippo: (Discovers the wheel of cheese in Fiddle's hobo pack.) Wiggo-Piggo!

Ding: Sometimes I wish my associate had a brain.

Fiddle: Let's find some dingos.

Bill: So they did, they found 9, and then they found the dino.

Fiddle: Err....... nice dino.

Steg: I am Steg, you shall bow before me.

Pippo: You chinese.

Ding: Let's get ready to rumble.

Fiddle: (uses long-jump onto Steg's back) (uses bite)

Steg: Did a flea just consider touching me, 'cause I felt a tiny something.

Ding: (uses blasting lazer)

Steg: (stumbles)

Fiddle: (uses climb to get into Steg's nostril) (uses roar)

Steg: (crashes into the ground)

Pippo: Hurray, he be beating you!

Ding: Calm down Pippo.

Fiddle: Err.......................................................................................................................

Police officer: What the whisker's of a british hairless rat happened here?

Bill: So Ding, Pippo, Fiddle, and Steg were taken to jail.

Banjo: I bailed the 3 of you out.

Kazooie: (pokes head out from under sheet on hospital bed) Needing to be bailed out, now when I singled handedly defeated the witch.....

Pippo: This dino ain't be being foxy anyway.

Steg: Same to you buddy.

Fiddle: We're not very good, are we?

Ding: No, I don't belive we are.

Pippo: Me muscular.

Zeldakid555: Hmm.... let's break this story for here. Next time our heroes will try to describe their battle a little better....

Bill Clinton: (slams the saxophone)   
  



	3. Fiddle's Continued Faddle with Monsters

Fiddle's Faddle with Monsters: Part 3

Disclaimer: As Kazooie would say, "in my day we didn't have to keep stating that we didn't own this stuff...."

Bill: A picture of Fiddle may now be viewed on Zeldakid555's author info page.

Banjo: You know Fiddle, if you're ever going to finish this quest, you need a new move or twove, heh heh.

Kazooie: We only needed one move in my day, and it wasn't anything special either!

Banjo: Try this one, how about you slip the cloth off that hobo pack and whack enemies with the stick!

Fiddle: Err....... if you say so.

Ding: Let me examine that glove of yours, why it is extra stretchy!

Fiddle: And that's important why?

Pippo: Extra tastes extra like cheese.

Ding: I'll bet, yes, let's see. (Take right glove off of Fiddle, begins to stretch it. Soon it's big enough for all three of them to fit inside it. Banjo holds it while they get inside it, and when he let's go, they fly a good 50 feet.)

Fiddle: (Gets up, brushes self off) Another new move.

Banjo: And a real zinger too, heh heh.

Pippo: Tastes like cheddar. (Everyone notices the small hole in Fiddle's glove, and the bit of rubber dangling from Pippo's beak.)

Kazooie: That idiot is not right upstairs.

Ding: He was dropped on his head several times as a young lad.

Kazooie: More like several MILLION times.

Banjo: That's not nice, and neither is rice, heh heh.

Fiddle: Well, I have two moves, let's go.

Kazooie: Change those clothes, they look ridiculous.

Bill: So, our brave, er, intrepid, er, excited, er, still-breathin explorers continued on their, bold, er, just plain old quest.

Fiddle: (Strums guitar.) Everyone now, kumbayah my lord, kumbayah.

Ding: Someone's slamming the banjo my lord, kumbayah, whoa-oh-oh kumbayah.

Pippo: Gently up the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is such a sneeze.

Yaslotsky: (Russian man enters, attempts to say "but you" but sneezes.) bachoo, bachoo

Fiddle: What's he saying?

Pippo: Cheese?

Ding: Don't know.

Bill: Yaslotsky leaves, after realizing that they can't understand him. The next morning they set off to look for Sabre, the next major enemy.

Pippo: Here comes the bride, here comes the bride.

Ding: That's nice Pippo, why don't you rest your head in your armpit for a while?

Fiddle: (Looks up, sees what appears to be a small object on fire.) Aren't those the eyebrows I lost earlier?

Pippo: Look at foxy go, thumpety thump thump....

Ding: Take a nap Pippo!

Fiddle: Let's see, Sabre should be one of these directions. (Holds finger out, spins in a circle.)

Ding: Oh look, the entrance to Canyon Land.

Fiddle: How will we ever get across?

Ding: Dunno, (scratches head.)

Pippo: Cheese?

Ding: Shush now Pippo.

Pippo: Cheese!

Fiddle: Shut up!

Pippo: CHEESE! CHEESE! CHEESE!

Fiddle: Oi, what an idiot.

Pippo: (Takes a bite of Fiddle's glove.)

Ding: Stop that!

Bill: Will they figure out what Pippo wants? Tune in for the next part of Fiddle's Faddle with Monsters.   
  
  



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